Misc, Mommin, On Motherhood

5 Mommin’ Mysteries…Solved!

The longer I am a mother, the more the mysteries of the world begin to unfold.  With my years and years of seasoned wisdom (a whole 7 years…I’m a veritable FONT of wisdom by now…πŸ™„πŸ˜) , I am beginning to see the world with new eyes, and those secrets once shrouded in a veil of mystery are starting to become focused and clear.  Shall I share the truth and wisdom I have gleaned with you, dear reader?

I shall.

Mystery #1: Why do mothers wake up at ungodly hours in the early morning, even on vacation?

Because they Can’t. Make it. Stop. 😳 After months of sleepless nights during pregnancy followed by months of middle-of-the-night newborn feeding schedules followed by sporadic mid-sleep illnesses and toddler potty-related wake-up calls, I believe mothers literally have the ability to sleep in worn out of them.  (They do not, apparently, lose the ability to hyphenate. πŸ‘ŠπŸ»)  Their bodies now operate on a different time table, and ‘sleeping late’ means 7:30am. Maaaaayyyybe 8:00am, IF you took NyQuil  before bed to fight that toddler-bequeathed cold.  And if, for some magical reason beyond the realm of belief, a mother still retains the ability to sleep in past the wake-up time of her children, she usually regrets not rising before the household.  Being startled awake by the crash of wooden puzzle pieces on the tile floor does not a pleasant morning make.  Thus…

Wisdom #1: Get up before the kids.  ‘Tis your only hope.  πŸ˜©

Look at

Look at ‘dat BUMP!  Hardly any room left on my lap back then.  πŸ˜‰

Mystery #2:  Why do mothers always get stuck doing the cooking during the holidays or for family gatherings?  Shouldn’t they take a day off?

Because if YOU are cooking, someone ELSE is entertaining your kids while you do so.  BOOM.  πŸ™ŒπŸ» This buys you at least an hour, maybe more if you also offer to do the dishes.  πŸ˜‰

Wisdom #2:  Offer to cook.  It’s basically a mini-vacation. 🌴🍹

Mystery #3:  Why do mothers seem to develop an addiction to caffeine, even if they never had one before joining The Motherhood?

Because, dear reader, it is the nectar of life. β˜•οΈ With coffee in your veins, that spilled jar of glitter doesn’t seem so spilled, the pee pee accident doesn’t seem quite as gross, and the 37th request for a Veggie Tales video doesn’t grate on your eardrums quite as much.  Post-coffee-consumption, lists get made, laundry gets laundered, homes remain semi-clean-ish, and the afternoon couch crash is kept at bay.  In our house, Mommy is WAY more fun and sing-song-y and ready for dance parties once her blessed almond milk mocha with caramel has been downed.  We call it Mommy’s Medicine.  Indeed. πŸ™ŒπŸ» The best of medicines.  (You can trust me.  I’m married to a pharmacist.) πŸ˜‰

Wisdom #3:  Coffee.  It’s what’s for breakfast…and lunch…and maybe even for an afternoon ‘snack,’ you know, depending on the day.  πŸ˜‰

Mystery #4:  Why did my mom randomly force us kids to be silent and then inexplicably drive with the radio off when I was growing up?  Why do she and my MIL still do this now, years after their children have left home?

Because it is therapy for your ears.  Sometimes, for instance when you feel like poking out your eardrums with sharpened pencils, it is good to drive in silence…IF the spawn will let you.   You know, to try and focus on the road ahead and staying alive and all that yada yada. 😳 A real luxury? Driving in the car in silence AND completely alone.  That right there is a real treat for mothers, folks.  A little vacation for the ears.  

Wisdom #4:  Stay alive.  Keep eardrums in tact.  Turn off the kiddie songs for ONE DANG CAR RIDE. 😳

Mystery #5: Why do moms lock the bathroom door as fast as humanly possible upon entering?


Wisdom #5:  BECAUSE.

There you have it, guys.  Mysteries solved. πŸ™ŒπŸ»
Of course, this is just meant for laughs.  I seriously love being a Mom more than any other part of the parts that make up Erin, and I think we just gotta laugh at the whole crazy Mom Life sometimes, right?  
Either that or lose our brains completely….

What about you guys?  Any other Mommin’ Mysteries you’ve solved along the way?  Would love to hear your funnies in the comments, and big thank you for taking a sec to stop by the Cotton Stem blog!

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  1. Hannah hargis says:

    So true about the cooking thing !!! I would so much rather cook/clean and someone else chase the kids πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  2. Stephanie says:

    Mystery , why is it so hard for momma to lose weight.
    Because she is constantly finishing the bits of food that the little ones refused to finish …. because after all. We can’t waste. Lol

  3. Katie says:

    Another mystery… why moms wear white all year?!? Spit up 😣 πŸ˜‰ Always and forever spit up.

    • Erin | Cotton Stem says:

      Oh my word, YES. πŸ˜‚ I actually hadn’t thought about that, but I DID wear a ton of white while nursing!

    • Kasey says:

      Love this! Also. Because bleach solves EVERYTHING.
      Awesome post Erin! (I say as I scrub pen off my couch πŸ˜³πŸ™„)

  4. K Grieb says:

    Erin, you’re just the best! Although I’m not a wife or a mom, you are always just so relatable, and yours is the IG story that I look for first. Thank you for sharing your real life with all of us. You’re a blessing and an encourager! πŸ™‚

  5. Kimberly Perkins says:

    I loved reading mystery 3 (well I loved all of them) because I never liked coffee until I had my two children and honestly it’s just so good! All those tasks don’t seem so big after that first cup of coffee 😊

    • Erin | Cotton Stem says:

      I TOTALLY AGREE. πŸ˜‚β˜•οΈ Cheers to you, Kimberly!

      • Mandy says:

        Ummm…maybe I need to start drinking coffee. You guys are selling me on it! I only tried my first cup about a year ago when my youngest still hadn’t slept through the night a single night in his 18months!!!!

  6. Deborah says:

    I just love how open and honest and funny and relatable you are. You’re kids are so lucky to have you as a mom and I’m sure they are learning so many valuable lessons from you. Such a funny post!

  7. Amy Everett says:

    Who knew going to the grocery store alone would be a luxury…some of which has stepped up to a whole notha level. My littlest has food allergies (bad part) which causes me to travel two hours to Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods about once a month. This trip however is a day of secret enjoyment as I can convince pretty much anyone (husband, MIL, mom) to watch my littles Bc I "have" to get food for my baby. πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‚ #sorrynotsorry

  8. Jeanne says:

    These are just awesome! So true and hilarious! I just love how real you are and love to follow your stories and insight on everything! Seriously, you are the BEST!

  9. Alisha says:

    Driving with silence is the best thing ever! I never listen to the radio going to and from work. I drive the entire 45 minutes one way hearing nothing but my own thoughts. It’s magical.

    My solved mom mystery is why we stay up past bedtime and not crash as soon as the kiddos are fast asleep. Because silence. The entire house is quiet. Sure, silent car time is great. But home time with silence is truly golden.

    • Erin | Cotton Stem says:

      Oh my word, YES. I mean, on one hand, we could all prob use the extra sleep, but if my hubs and I went to bed any earlier, we’d never actually get a chance to speak words to each other!! πŸ˜‚

  10. Amanda says:

    Gosh, I just wish we could be friends in real life. I feel like you so get me and you don’t even know me. 😊

  11. Shanda says:

    Mystery: Why did my Mom (and Dad) drive around the parking lot finding the parking spot with the best shade? Drove me nuts as a child. "Just park, what’s the big deal?"

    Wisdom: Now as a Mom, I drive looking for the shade because I don’t need another reason to be sweaty. Haha πŸ˜‚ After the hormones and wrangling children through the store, I just want a cool vehicle that my toddler doesn’t say "hot! hot!" as I strap her into her seat.

    Anybody else?? Just me?

    • Erin | Cotton Stem says:

      Oh man, AMEN SISTER!! Nor do I want the tears that come from a hot five-point-harness buckle touching baby thigh skin. 😳

  12. Ann McFarland says:

    Erin, I’m 48 and absolutely love following you and listening to your stories. These make me miss my girls so much, however, I now have 2 granddaughters I can glob onto ❀️ You have a beautiful heart and soul. Your home is something straight out of heaven too!!! God Bless You beautiful

    • Erin | Cotton Stem says:

      Oh gosh, thank you for this, Ann! What a kind thing to say, and I’m thankful for people like you who encourage!!

  13. Lauren Gray says:

    Your mommy wisdom is spot on! All funny, all true! Needed this after a hard day of Mommin’!

  14. I literally Lol’d when I read #4 & #5. Annnd #5 may have happened just so I could read this blog post IN PEACE. πŸ˜†

  15. I literally Lol’d when I read #4 & #5. Annnd #5 may have happened just so I could read this blog post IN PEACE. πŸ˜†

  16. Janelle says:

    Thanks for today. Your Instastory about your book wall answered a question I sent in just yesterday and made me feel so important when my husband is traveling all week for work and I’m momming alone and it’s hard to feel heard. Even though I know I wasn’t the only person asking about the book wall, it was such a great coincidence that you answered today. I needed that boost to get me through the week.

    I’m late to the latte–just started drinking coffee two years ago and I don’t know how I got through graduate school and a colicky baby without it now. Coffee makes this momma happy.

    Thanks for sharing your inspiration and family.

    • Erin | Cotton Stem says:

      Oh well hey, perfect timing!! I’m so glad the stories were helpful–that was my goal! And amen on the coffee. BIG amen. πŸ˜‰

  17. Angie says:

    This is REALLY bad…. the best/worse time to indulge in my favorite snack is at night when the kids are down and I don’t have to share or fix someone else something!!

  18. Cari says:

    Love your blog posts and insta stories! It is my excuse to get a few mins a day to myself and a break from "Mommin"! But we all know it is short lived! πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ Thanks for the laughs! I am a fellow Okie too! πŸ˜‰

  19. Nancy says:

    I’ve when Mom’s go on vacay with the fam it’s a work/business trip not a vacation!!! πŸ˜‚

  20. Nancy says:

    Ugh… Heard!!!

  21. Christy says:

    When my 24 year old daughter is home to visit, she still always seems to need me when I go to the bathroom. Still to this day she stands outside the door and talks to me. Her reason….she has my undivided attention. πŸ™ƒ

  22. Alicia Johnson says:

    The tooth fairy has always been a mystery at our house. The most recent mystery being that the tooth fairy doesn’t make visits to children on "S Days"…. ya know— Saturdays or Sundays… Truth being that Momma forgot on Saturday night and then she forgot again on Sunday night, so that had to be the reason… Right???!!! What else could it have been???

  23. Kayla D says:

    Motherhood is the most rewarding exhausting ever! Feeling ya!

  24. Megan says:

    Mystery: why can’t daughter #2 have long hair?

    Wisdom: Mommy doesn’t have time to do her hair, and two other girls’ heads of hair and still look decent, sooooooo…daughter #2 still has a cute bob at age 8 cuz momma can’t make us all look good otherwise! (Luckily she doesn’t care yet😁)

    Love this post Erin! Thanks for making me laugh…especially over some of the things that can drive us nuts.

  25. Laura Rose says:

    I loved this ❀️

  26. Jana Hackson says:

    Mystery. … what happened to baby girls new sippy cup, car keys, bag of wipes and remote control?

    Wisdom. … make sure your garbage can is not within arms reach of a toddler. Seriously πŸ˜’ or just check the bag before it’s off to the curb!

  27. Lindy Miller says:

    Oh, I feel you on these, yet especially on the silent car drive. It’s a form of meditation…sometimes I have had the answers to difficult problems just POP in my mind those special drives. Hmm, I’m overdue one right now! Where are my keys!πŸ˜‚πŸ”‘πŸš—

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