1 – When I was a little girl, my life’s dream was to work at Pizza Hut so that I could give my mom free pizzas for the rest of her life. Instead, I gave her four granddaughters and all kinds of extra home decor. Samesies. 😉 Oh, and I also wanted to grow up to be a physical therapist, until I realized I might possibly have to touch other people’s feet. 😳 Free pizzas? Yes. Strange feet? Heck no.
(Look at those curls! You KNOW those came from sleeping in foam rollers, y’all. Raise your hand if you used those, too!)
2 – I canNOT stand the sound of Jeff Bridges’ voice. Like, legit makes my skin crawl. I’m sure he is a very nice person, but errrrmagerrrderrssss can’t do it. He has the thickest tongue known to man, and to listen to him talk is like listening to a manatee trapped inside of a drainage pipe writhing and wiggling in order to escape. The thick tongue makes listening to him nearly impossible for me, so there aren’t any JB movies on my Netflix list. No hard feelings. Just can’t handle manatee tongue. 😬😂 (I have a thing about mouth noises in general. Jeff, it’s not you; it’s me.)
3 – After going through some bummer back troubles over the past few years, I was sent to get an x-ray. The tech finished up and asked if I’d ever had an x-ray before. I said that I hadn’t and asked why. She told me that I actually have an extra lumbar vertebrae that probably added two-three inches to my overall height and that she’d never seen that before. Neat. I’m a extra-vertabae-d freak o’ nature. (Who am I to be repelled by a manatee tongue after all?! 😂) Does perhaps explain why I’m a good deal taller than most females in my family though…
4 – If I was ever chosen to participate on Survivor, I don’t think I would last longer than the boat ride to the island for one simple reason: LOTION. If I can’t have lotion to slather all over my hands after they’ve been wet and then dried, then I can’t live. Dramatic? Maybe. THE TRUTH? Yesssss. Lotions are stationed all throughout my home in strategic locales, and I almost can’t think straight if I can’t get to lotion quickly after washing my hands. I told you…cray. 😂 A well-lotioned, too-tall cray. #lotionaddict
(Floral vest and hair snood ON POINT, y’all. #thanksMom 😂)
5. Once when I was about 10 or 11 (around the time the above pic was taken), my sister and I were playing “Aladdin” in the back of my grandpa’s truck, swathed in bedsheets and using broom handles (natch) to belt out “A Whole New World” at the top of our lungs. It was at this exact moment (of course 😩) that my neighborhood crush rode by on his bicycle, and I dropped belly-first on the truck bed faster than you can say “Arabian Nights.” Not only did he for SURE hear my song, see my outfit AND witness my mic-weilding skrillz, he also got to watch me awkwardly peek up and over the side of the truck bed, stand up sheepishly, dust off my draped ensemble and saunter away with as much pride as a mortally embarrassed pre-teen could muster. Le sigh. If only there had been a genie around right about then to grant my wish for invisibility. 😩😂 (And yes, my little sister taunts me TO THIS DAY with this story. What are sisters for…..)